ARSE 2 MOUSE

May Podcast: Annual End Of Season Fourth Place Jamboree

Mon, 27 May 2013 13:14:00 +0100

C’mon, don’t be shy. Reach in and let’s have a hug. We’ve all earned it. Also locked in a not-so-manly embrace with me for the last of our monthly podcasts this season are Dave Meikleham and Elliot ‘YankeeGunner’ Smith, discussing the glorious end of season finale, likely transfers*, and whether we should deliberately throw the Champions League qualifier. Just for lulz.

(*Not necessarily likely.)

The embedded player below will let you stream or download this month’s wisdom. Alternatively, you can find the pod on iTunes. Reviews and ratings there welcome. Unless you give us one-star and call us Cesc-obsessed equivocating fannies. In which case not so much.

We may have another pod or two up over the summer, once Ivan begins the spending spree. What’s that you say? Darren Bent on a free? Oh Arsenal.

– TDC

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Newcastle 0-1 Arsenal: Slog On The Tyne Is All Fine

Mon, 20 May 2013 19:13:00 +0100

A strange feeling this morning: Waking up without that pervading will-they, won’t-they worry about Champions League qualification. Not to mention the not insignificant matter of keeping Spurs in our cannon-shaped shadow. The air feels sweeter somehow. The pressure lifted. It’s quite a relief to be able to step out from under the dangling Damoclesian sword of finishing fifth, and to enjoy the summer with the expectation that maybe, just maybe, we’ll actually strengthen the team substantially.

There are those, though, who are now trying to paint the Arsenal fans and players celebrating finishing fourth as somehow unbecoming of a big club. Let’s be honest, that’s bollocks. You only need to watch Milan going mental after qualifying late last night to see what it means to even a club which has won the thing seven times. Also, ask yourself if Spurs, or Everton, or Liverpool had qualified, would they have just shrugged stoically? Would the press have congratulated them in a manner that would be considered unbecoming of a biscuit-based circle jerk? You know the answer to both these questions.

None of which is to say fourth is a trophy, or that qualification should be the limit of a club with our resources, or that the squad doesn’t require serious work. Of course everyone connected with the club would love a trophy. Of course we could and should have won something over the last eight years, even with the stadium to debt pay down. But cast your mind back to the aftermath of the defeat away at Spurs. At that point what achievable goals did Arsenal as a club have left?

Champions League qualification looked a massive longshot at that point. In truth I didn’t think we’d do it. I should have known better. It has been a remarkable run over the final ten games, in which we’ve only conceded five goals, won eight, drawn two and lost none. That’s title-winning form, built on a bedrock of organised defending. In a sense the season ends as it began – with fans wondering about the influence of Steve Bould. This team has had to find another way of playing. Less buccaneering, more efficient. They’ve certainly ridden their luck during that time too, and in general I’d say we’ve had a season in which we can’t complain about external factors at all.

In terms of both injuries and officiating, it’s been the least Arsena-ish season I can remember in a while. Keeping Cazorla, Arteta and Giroud fit, given the amount of football they’ve had to play and the lack of obvious replacements, has been close to miraculous, while the injuries suffered by Wilshere and Diaby can hardly have been unexpected. We’ve also definitely won more penalties than the year before – I believe Arteta scored five and missed one – and I also struggle to recall games in which I’ve felt genuinely hard done by. In a season of such fine margins, these things count for a lot.

So, as the manager says, we go into the close season expecting continuity. But the fans will surely want more than that. Ignore the bumper new commercial deals for a second, both of which were said to be front-loaded to enable spending this summer, and focus instead on the significant reserves which are already sitting in Arsenal’s bank account, unused for reasons still not clear. The AST’s number crunchers reckon we could afford to splash £100m without overstretching ourselves, and I have little reason to doubt that’s true.

Clearly, spending anything rather than making a surplus on player trading would represent a sea change in policy at this point. Since the 06/07 move to the Emirates Arsenal’s net spend on fees is -£40m. In contrast, Spurs have spent £65m while Liverpool have sunk £124m for little real return. Something to bear in mind amidst all the discussion of wage bills being the most important indicator of likely league position.

However, what’s also clear is that this conjuring trick performed by Arsene is not getting any easier. I wrote on the official site that you can barely slide a cigarette paper between the Arsenal and Spurs squads in terms of quality. This year, as last, it’s taken a Laurent Koscielny goal to secure our place in the Champions League by one point, following the departure of two of our most important players. The symmetry really is remarkable. And as noted on Arseblog today, you’d be hard pressed to find many fans who’d admit to enjoying long stretches of either of those seasons.

Which means this: It’s up to the hierarchy of the club – Arsene, Ivan, Stan, Dicky – to ensure that the cycle is broken. I don’t expect silverware necessarily. I do expect progress. I expect us to use the resource we have, which have been pumped in by the fans, to ensure that the team is everything it ought to be. Make no mistake: the chances of Arsenal “doing a Portsmouth” are zero. It’s a story told to scare children. This is the time to kick on. Will Arsene change course? Of that I’m not so sure, but I’d happily see him empty that TPA for one last tilt at glory. He’s earned it, and we’ve already paid for it. Another groundhog season will not be good enough to satisfy anyone. Those humbling domestic cup defeats will not, and should not, be forgotten easily.

Sorry if you wanted more celebration, or talk about the match, but I’ve always got an eye on what’s next. Tl;dr version: The game was horrendous until the final whistle at which point it was superb. We’ll have the end of season podcast up early next week, and after that I’m going to take a little break until July at which point I’ll probably do some short transfer nonsense stuff as it happens. Finally, thanks for reading and listening. Other than the chance to blow off steam, it’s the feedback which makes blogging fun, and it’s been an absolute pleasure chatting with you in the comments and on Twitter.

Right, how else to end the season but on a song. You may remember it from last year…

– TDC

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Arsenal 4-1 Wigan: End Of Season Four Play

Wed, 15 May 2013 18:42:00 +0100

I’m wary of getting carried away after last night, as it’s effectively only halftime in the vital double header that will determine the Champions League qualifying spots. Nonetheless, even if you’re weary of people banging on about how vital finishing fourth is, which I can sympathise with to a degree, there’s no doubt this was one of the most electric nights at the Grove all season.

Watching Wigan reenact the Hindenburg disaster against Swansea last week, I felt confident we’d win yesterday.

So much so that I tweeted:

Let’s be honest, and I know this will come back to haunt me but still, Wigan are fucking pony.

— Arse2Mouse (@arse2mouse)

May 7, 2013

That confidence was long gone after Maloney’s softly-awarded free kick zipped past Szczesny. At that point a guy in front of me went nuts, shouting: “They’re shit. They’re just shit. Why can’t you see it? It’s been like this all season. Shit!” And he wasn’t talking about Wigan. In the end Ar-senal! Ar-senal! chants drowned him out, and the team eventually gathered itself and blew Wigan away – but at that point things were… Tense.

Or, to put it another way, my arse was twitching like a rabbit’s nose. The unbeaten run we’re on has been astonishing (and, if we’re honest, surprising) but some of the games have been almost unendurably nervy. We’ve frequently been at the mercy of a single mistake by the officials or the players.

Still, almost there now. Here’s my brain spill about the game…

I have very little sympathy with Wigan
While it’s true that far less easy on the eye sides – Norwich, Sunderland, spit, Stoke – have stayed up this season, and on some level that’s a shame, there’s no excusing how clownish Wigan are at the back. There’s a narrative being propagated that the reason Wigan struggle at the start of each season is that they sell their biggest stars each summer. (I know, cry me a river.) But while there’s some truth there, it also can’t mask the fact they’ve shipped 71 goals in the league this season, and have conceded 60+ in each of Martinez’s four years in charge. It’s one thing playing fluent attacking football but, as we’ve previously learned, if you can’t defend against corners and counter attacks you’ll be found out. Everton should approach with caution.
Whisper it, but Arsenal are defending brilliantly
Since the Koscielny/Mertesacker axis was restored, we haven’t conceded two goals in any game. Only Manchester City have conceded fewer goals than us all season. Just one goal has come from open play since the game at White Hart Lane. Nonetheless, while it might seem a strange thing to say after scoring four, there’s still a tension in the team between how we balance attack with defence. Having scored early last night, we sat back and looked to counterpunch. I don’t think that was by accident either, or a case of the players letting nerves get the better of them. This is the post-Bayern design, based on efficiency up front and greater organisation at the back. It’s working, but it’s reliant on taking what chances we do create.
Gibbs continues to grow
Last night I favoured Gibbs starting to match the pace of McManaman, and for the most part he handled the threat brilliantly. The British core, while all still rough diamonds, shows huge potential.
Szczesny’s save made the difference
Arguably could have done better with the free kick, and it’s still disappointing that another team scored with its first shot on target. In fact Wigan only registered one other shot on target all game, which I assume was the smart block from Kone early in the second half. If that goes in you’re looking at a very different game. A huge save then, though I’d still be pro signing an established keeper this summer. If nothing else it’d be remiss not to have better cover in case Woj has another injury flare up.
No point moaning about Dean
As parlous as our record is with Mike Dean officiating, and I think last night makes it two wins in 19 games now, when you examine the actual matches it’s tricky to find really glaring examples of bias. Perhaps he doesn’t like us for some nebulous reason, and I certainly don’t much enjoy the overly priggish way he officiates (he’s oddly obsessed with trying to play advantage even when it doesn’t really seem on), but a more likely explanation is that he gets picked for big games, and we’ve not been doing great in the big games. In any case, I’m not sure what mileage there is in going mental at him – it only feels likely to harden his resolve. And on referees generally, if I actually thought they were genuinely biased, I’d have to Jack watching football in. The answer, now and pretty much always, is to score loads of goals.
Santi is tremendous
That is all. At this stage any other nomination for player of the season is going to look, well, a bit silly. What’s most telling is how rarely Arsene takes him off. Even at 4-1 up last night Arsene kept the Spanish pocket rocket on right until the end. Despite being a relative veteran at 28, Cazorla has racked up more minutes this season than anyone else in the Arsenal squad. I can’t help think 1) what a player Arshavin might have been if only he’d had half of Santi’s work ethic, and 2) that we could desperately use Spain giving him the summer off.
Podolski and Theo delivered when needed
While much credit must go to Cazorla for his assists, it was our two most efficient finishers who put the chances away. I’d actually make Walcott man of the match, so important was his direct running and the crosses he fizzed in. Early on he also upbraided Podolski for not making a run that would’ve seen him meet one such ball, and rightly so – it’s the sort of service strikers dream of. The enigmatic German got the business done, though, and I especially enjoyed his second because it put the game safe and proved he doesn’t always smash the ball. Much has been written about Podolski’s struggle to hold down a first team place. I mentioned earlier this week that I’d hoped for 10-12 league goals from Podolski, and 12-15 from Giroud, which felt conservative but realistic, and on that basis both had disappointed slightly. Gunnerblog made the reasonable response that if Poldi had been picked more, he’d have easily hit that target. Well, he has now, with 11 scored and a game still to play. The question remains: why hasn’t he been used more? Perhaps we’ll get a better sense in the summer.
I don’t have much love for Dave Whelan
Largely because he’s a man who almost certainly has a coquettish image of Thatcher as his phone’s lock screen, however I don’t begrudge him chasing the proverbial dream. It often goes unremarked in the whole plucky underdog narrative around Wigan’s rise (and fall) that Whelan has sunk £100m of his own cash into the club. Consistency fans will know that I have no problem with that whatsoever. But it does speak to a strange idea that owner investment only becomes an issue when it reaches a certain level. Or, if the source of the beneficence is foreign. Still, who knows what Arsene could have achieved with a spare £100m eh? (That’s a trick question. Clearly he’d have winked and stuck it in his sky rocket for a rainy day.)
Speaking of rain, I think I may have Trench Foot
Wearing old Converse in a monsoon. What the hell was I thinking? There can be few more melancholy things in this world than putting on wet shoes the morning afterwards, hungover, in a Travelodge.

That’ll do then. The next podcast will be up after the Newcastle game, and whichever way that goes it seems fairly certain we’ll be drinking again. Confident of finishing fourth? Third even? Let me know in the comments.

– TDC

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QPR 0-1 Arsenal: The Szczęsny Redemption

Sun, 05 May 2013 09:29:00 +0100

This blogging lark is a piece of the proverbial once you’ve been doing it for a while. See, if we’d dropped points against Rangers I’d have fallen back on my regular assertion that we’re a team which abrogates responsibility, afraid of taking shots or trying truly risky passes, and that’s why we struggle against teams we should swat aside.

But we didn’t drop any points this time. Thanks to an early Walcott scuffer and a late Szczesny wondersave, we emerged, blinking into Sunday, with another win. So instead I’ll dust off last season’s climactic narrative, and say that if we are going to win the race for fourth, then it will only be by collapsing over the line, coughing up blood and prayers as we do so. Yay football!

Watching the ‘highlights’ back, it’s hard to avoid the conclusion that this was another largely awful game. Having seen Theo score in record-breaking time, you might have expected Arsenal to go on and knock two or three past an already relegated QPR side stuffed full of overpaid and undercommitted. You might also be an idiot who has never seen this era Arsenal play before.

As long as the game remained at 1-0, there was always a chance Arsenal were going to Arsenal it up. I’ve been saying for what seems like forever now that Arsenal has a unique way of emboldening much less talented teams. Of giving them a sniff. So that what ought to be a comparatively stress-free stroll in the spring sunshine becomes another terrifying bowel loosener.

Let the record also state, though, that earlier in the day Spurs struggled with what theoretically should’ve been a simple enough win. The mantra goes that at this stage of the season performances don’t matter, only points do. I guess that’s true, but it ain’t easy to watch.

During the game Dave from the podcast made the point that although this run-in is horrendously stressful, having something concrete to play for, and against local rivals, has reinvigorated his enthusiasm. In the pub after the final whistle we both agreed that the likely absence of any sort of outgoing transfer saga ought to make for a comparatively positive summer, in the sense of finally starting to add rather than replace.

Which isn’t to say no-one will leave – I’d still bank on Vermaelen and Sagna heading for the hills – but there’s no-one in the squad whose loss would cause the same kind of communal wailing as the last couple of season’s high profile exits have.

That’s the good news. The bad news, I guess, is that whatever we do it’s going to be *incredibly* hard not to just to close the gap on United, but to compete with the kind of cash they’re threatening to throw about. And that’s without factoring in what the oil-powered outfits do.

Still, so long as we make progress in terms of genuinely improving the squad and putting some distance between us and Spurs, that’ll do for me. All I’ve ever insisted on is being better than we were last time around. Really go for the domestic cups and see what happens. Like it or not that’s where we live now.

There’s a fourth place trophy to snag first though, and on the basis of the last two games I’m not sure anyone can be convinced playing Podolski through the centre is the way to do it. Either Walcott or Gervinho will probably be given a chance there now against a Wigan side which looks ominously free-scoring (but also enticingly leaky). Hopefully playing a cup final three days beforehand, win or lose, will suck the life out of their legs.

Final word on yesterday goes to the keeper. He’s handled being dropped manfully, and that save yesterday was as good as anything we’ve seen from an Arsenal goalie this season. My gripe with Szczęsny has been that he hasn’t been done enough to earn points for the team, but yesterday’s save deserved as much credit for the win as Walcott’s goal. More of the same please. Except for the stress. Less of that.

There you go then. Blogging: like stealing pennies from a dead man’s eyes.

– TDC

PS Let me know if you’d take Remy for £6m in the comments.

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Arsenal 1-1 Manchester Utd: Nothing (New) To Be Angry About

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 20:41:00 +0100

I’ll happily take that point, as I would haven taken it if you’d offered it to me at any time before, or indeed during, the game. Yes, even in our 30-minute spell of near total dominance. The idea that this Arsenal side was just going to turn up and beat the current Utd one because they’ve already won the league was always an unlikely looking fantasy. They certainly didn’t look happy to settle for the draw in the second half.

We had them on their heels in the first half because we played with tempo and aggression, and were almost instantly rewarded with Walcott’s goal. Perhaps it’s disappointing we couldn’t sustain the same ferocious pace over the whole game, but it’s hardly surprising. We all wish the team could approach every game as intensely, but maybe the drop off in the second half is the reason they don’t. It doesn’t matter how ‘up for it’ the players are, even professional athletes can’t play like that constantly.

One point is one more than we predicted in our podcast, and given that we also banked on Wigan snaffling a draw against Spurs, Arsenal are up on where we expected them to be after this weekend. So far we’ve called most of the results correctly – (probably should have had a bet on it) – which means Arsenal are still theoretically on course for the Champions League spots.

After the game I’ve seen the argument made that United were there for the taking. Do me a favour. Even if we’d gone into half-time 2-0 up, as we probably deserved to, there’s no doubt they would have come out fired up after the break. The penalty stings because it was so daft, but equally Utd could/should’ve have been level minutes before when *he* headed into Woj’s onrushing boat race. On the balance of chances created over the 90 minutes I’m struggling to feel hard done by with a draw.

As for what that says about Arsenal as a club, well, the answer is surely nothing new. We’ve mostly been shocking against the other top sides this season – accruing just five points from the games against United, City, Chelsea and Spurs. Obviously that’s not good enough, but the key word there is ‘obviously’. It’s been there to see all year. We largely know what the squad is and isn’t capable of, and we certainly know it needs strengthening. If you’re angry this side didn’t win today, I can only assume you’ve been watching a different one over the previous months.

Which isn’t to say the squad is good enough. It isn’t. Let’s be very clear: you’ll struggle to find a fan who’s more pro-spending than me. I’d have happily watched both our major shareholders empty their wallets into the club. But that hasn’t happened and we are where we are. Which, precisely, is 21 points off a United team which could have set a record tally this season. There’s no hiding from that, but also let’s not hammer the players for what they aren’t, and could never be.

Earlier in the week I had a discussion with another fan who claimed the total points you rack up over a season isn’t a true indicator of a side’s quality. I begged to differ, falling back on the adage that the table doesn’t lie. But our eyes can tell us plenty numbers can’t: and compared to the utterly shameful non-performance the players put in at Old Trafford, today was much, much better.

As for the penalty – yeah, it was bad. I mean, of course it was. As a piece of defending it couldn’t have been much worse. But it was still slightly disappointing to hear that Sagna got dog’s abuse thereafter. I once made a mistake at work that ended up on the cover of a national newspaper. I’m grateful to work in an industry where the immediate result wasn’t tens of thousands of people effing and jeffing at me outside the office.

Does it mean he’s finished as player? Not on the strength of one shocker, but in truth it’s looked like he was going this way for a while now – and it’d certainly explain the club’s recalcitrance over giving him a new contract, which I previously moaned about. After the game Arsene had this to say:

“He is very disappointed tonight, he is a boy who gives absolutely everything in every game. I think he made a bad pass, that can happen, and maybe after he panicked a little bit and maybe wanted to repair too quickly what he did, but he had time to tackle. He has saved us so many times that unfortunately it happened today.”

So look: I get it. People don’t want him to play for us anymore. But I suspect the manager gets it too, and after this season we’re likely to have a new right back. But for all that it’s frustrating to see Sagna’s decline, imagine how it must feel to actually feel your own abilities, your own body, wane so markedly. That’s sport I guess, but all I’m saying is have a little grace about the criticism.

The rest of the defence, though, was excellent. Koscielny, in particular, was like Gandalf on the goddamn bridge facing down a Mancunian balrog. Per wasn’t far behind, either. After the Spurs game I said, a bit ostentatiously, that I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if any of the defenders were sold. But there really is something to the current centreback pairing that looks worth sticking with.

In midfield Ramsey was excellent, leading the pressing with Rosicky in the first half. Up top Podolski did plenty to show why he doesn’t get picked centrally. Dare I say we looked quite a bit more dangerous once Gervinho came on at the end. I do dare.

Three massive games remain, then. Technically it isn’t in our hands because if everyone wins all their games, but Chelsea lose to Spurs, then we’ll miss out on the inglorious fourth place trophy. Well so be it. Whatever mess we’re in is entirely of the club’s own making, and if that scenario plays out all we can do is accept it. But for now I wouldn’t swap our fixtures for anyone else’s. Keep playing like today, and my only betting strategy will be to stick the kids’ college fund on red?

Just kidding, I don’t have any kids.

– TDC

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April Podcast: Apples For Giroud

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 23:23:00 +0100

Here we are then. The penultimate podcast of a season which, lets be honest, hasn’t yielded maximum fun times, but could still end on a comparatively upbeat note. Don’t make that face. I said comparatively. Since we last spoke the team has been on a startlingly good, but also fairly nerve-racking, run. Joining me to talk about that, and all things AFC are, as usual, Scottish Dave and Elliot ‘YankeeGunner’ Smith.

On the agenda: Arsenal’s remaining matches – starting on Sunday, when Arsenal are 3/1 with Ladbrokes to beat Manchester United – plus all the guff about the guard of honour and the return of *him*. We’ve also got thoughts on Giroud’s ban, Suarez’s bite and Gotze’s betrayal. Because why not? Man cannot live on Arsenal alone. Oh, and I even managed to sneak some transfer talk in. Of course I did.

You should be warned that this was recorded directly after the Dortmund vs Madrid game, and we’d all taken a drink – even though it was morning in the Americas. Still, if nothing else it will explain the barely concealed homoeroticism.

The swanky embedded player below will let you stream or download the magic. Alternatively, it’s also still available on iTunes. Even though everyone seems to hate Apple now that they’re on the verge of becoming the tech equivalent of Ratners.

Don’t forget you can also do your own set of predictions for the remaining ‘race for fourth’ fixtures. Just fire up the trusty Arse2Mouse Predictortron 3000 Google doc, hit the ‘file’ button, then ‘make a copy’ to save it to your desktop. You can now start filling in the results of the future. Try not to let the tears splash on your keyboard.

Hey! You just typed a zero next to Man U didn’t you?

– TDC

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Fulham 0-1 Arsenal: Abject Performance, Perfect Result?

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 18:34:13 +0100

Another Saturday, another horrendous test of nerves. As games go that was awful, and in a season where we’ve served up some absolute stinkers, that it ranks among the stinkiest is saying something. I can find nothing to redeem it beyond the result, but the result is, y’know, massive. So the temptingly obvious narrative to reach for is: don’t worry about the quality of the performance, just feel the points. Especially against a side we’ve struggled to beat at all in recent seasons.

And yet, and yet. I suppose it’s because of our unblemished 15-year run of Champions League qualification that this sort of run-in makes it feel like, rather than trying to win a prize, (I know: not an actual prize), it instead feels like we’re trying to avoid losing something that we’ve already got. Or in other words: when it’s this tight, as it was last year, the mood feels like we’re trying to avoid relegation.

Which doesn’t make for much fun. If we bundle our way over the line, the sensation of relief will surely be greater than the sensation of excitement at the prospect of another set of Champions League games.

Ah, I’m in danger of seeming spoiled I suppose. We’ve been on a terrific run. Hey, we’ve *had* to be on a terrific run to drag ourselves back into it, and that deserves credit. But I’m also trying to capture how weird it feels to only care about where we end up in the league, rather than the actual football that’s being played in the here and now.

Perhaps it’s like that for most fans of most teams though. Always with an eye on what’s coming next. The perpetual dream of strengthening without your rivals doing the same. As a Scotsman once said: Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Steve McLaren, who never expected to catch myself quoting, was on Five Live after the game talking about Di Canio. He made the point that these days a lot of people seem to lose sight of the fact football is, above everything else, about entertaining the people who come to watch it. Sometimes we – or at least certainly I – can forget that, in our obsession with second tier sponsors and all that unholy jazz.

Anyway, what I’m definitely not saying is that every game has to be a glorious cavalcade of mind-blowing attacking football. But hoo boy were we bad today. Against the ten men of Fulham we barely looked like creating a chance in open play. From about the half an hour mark I was desperately hoping for subs, but when those subs arrived – on the 70th minute, as if that typing – very little changed.

In fact there’s little to remark on beyond Giroud’s late red card – very much the glacé cherry on another poor show from him. (Walcott, let the record state, was worse.) That heaped even more pressure on the team at the end, who did well to resist. Insert something about spirit if you like. It’s telling that in the three games Giroud will now miss because it was a straight red, I’m more worried about losing him as an auxiliary defender to head the ball away on set pieces.

On the radio Arsene opined that he thought both red cards were fair. He also said that the striker told him afterwards that he’d slipped while making the challenge. From the sound of it we won’t be appealing, which may change once the manager has watched replays, but I wouldn’t bet on it given the risk of an extension to the ban for frivolity.

So, if nothing else, we’ll now find out which of Podolski and Walcott the manager does see as the natural cover at centre forward. Pray to your gods that it’s the German.

Man United next. I’ve let Dave from the podcast have the ticket, because the prospect of seeing *him* return with *them* to win *it* isn’t much like my idea of entertainment either. I’m still confident on fourth. I’m still also confident that the summer’s business will transpire in much the same fashion regardless of which European competition we’re in. And on we go.

– TDC

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Arsenal 0-0 Everton: How To Solve A Giroudian Knot

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 19:01:00 +0100

That was a meat grinder of a game. It felt about as intense, bruising and gripping as a match gets without any goals, and in the aftermath I don’t have too many complaints about only taking a point. Yes, Gibson should’ve been sent off in the first half, but I’m not surprised Neil Swarbrick dodged the decision. That sort of cynical block, intended to snuff out an attack, almost invariably earns a booking. Unless of course the player has been cautioned a minute before for a crude hack, in which case it’s time for a paternal talking to instead.

The daft thing is plenty of ex-pros and fans will applaud that as a good piece of game management, because the ref hasn’t ‘ruined’ the match. I would ask: ruined for who?

Much as I dislike Mike Dean’s manner, and certainly our results with him officiating, I respect the fact he applies the rules with a cold disregard for the emotional context of the game, in the sense that he ignores the scoreline, the time on the clock, and other extraneous factors when evaluating calls.

After the game Arsene was phlegmatic about Everton’s approach, saying:

“That’s part of the game. We had to deal with that and the referee has to make the right decisions… It was a game of huge intensity, a fight for both teams. You have to respect the effort Everton put in.”

Nonetheless, the press pack managed to get a rise out of Moyes about the Gibson challenge:

“Do you mean we were a bit rough with the tackling? Up north we do that quite often, that’s actually allowed in football.”

I’ve no idea why he wants to make this a thing about the big brave men of the north. Perhaps he’s been watching too much Game Of Thrones. In any case, that decision aside, I don’t think we can feel hard done by. It was robust and full-blooded. Neither side truly dominated and, although we created slightly more chances (we’ll come to Giroud shortly), Everton could equally have won it with Barkley’s curler.

If there are complaints to be made, then it’s with the team selection. Wilshere had no business being on the pitch only a day after Arsene admitted he shouldn’t have been rushed back early for Norwich. Seeing his name on the team sheet, I could only assume the manager had attempted some strange sort of mind game with his opposite number.

If so it backfired, because his apparent concern was only proved correct. Jack looked unfit and lacked more than a little sharpness – and it isn’t like we didn’t have other options. Cazorla could have played at the tip of the midfield trio, freeing room for Gervinho or, preferably, Podolski to play on the left.

Also returning from injury and offering little of note was Walcott. Again, I couldn’t really see the logic, given that Everton are very compact and were unlikely to leave a lot of space to run into. Perhaps the idea was that Baines would be caught upfield, exposing the right hand side to our counter attacks. There’s some sense in that, but if so it was Ramsey – who was excellent again – who made best use of that room.

The withdrawal of Walcott and Wilshere (on the 68th minute, as is standard) saw Arsenal visibly improve. The final twenty minutes were peppered with promising attacks, while Everton faded as a threat. With one goal likely to win it, set pieces for either side became heart in mouth moments. The Ox’s dribbling, combined with Podolski’s directness, made us look like a much more dangerous unit. In the end a point felt about right given the battling display from both sides and lack of real quality around the box.

Which brings us to Mr Giroud, and a his misses. Like it or not, the comparisons with Chamakh are there to be made.

(While reading this next bit try to focus on the period in which Chamakh actually seemed useful, rather than the wage thief we know now.)

Both players came in with a brief to cover for the Dutch traitor. Chamakh had the job for a matter of months, due to one of the injuries RVP is now seemingly immune from, whereas Giroud has the gig on a full-time basis.

(I’m reminded of that line from Starship Troopers: “You’re it until you’re dead or I find someone better.”)

Both players arrived in their late twenties, carrying league winner’s medals from France. Both are tall ‘hold up’ strikers who bring other players into the game with neat lay-offs. Neither ever looked likely to be truly prolific. Both seem haunted by some sense of insecurity.

Here’s where they differ: Chamakh is good in the air, but his shooting on the deck is utterly abject – he only takes shots on when there’s literally no other option, and then entirely without any conviction. Giroud is decent in the air, (only one of his goals in his title-winning season at Montpellier was a header, but he’s notched six so far here), and he’ll gladly take shots on from any angle, however absurd. His shooting is better, but still erratic. The biggest positive the Frenchman has over the Moroccan is heart, which he has in abundance. And, of course, the fact his hair isn’t worse than war.

But is that enough? Well, that depends on what you mean by enough. It’s clearly enough to score 17 goals in all competitions. Of those, only nine came in the league, of which only two came against what you’d deem top quality opposition – Liverpool and Spurs – and just one was away from home. I can’t help wonder if RVP hadn’t returned from injury in 10/11 whether Chamakh would have posted similar numbers. Which isn’t to say I hate Giroud or he should be sold. Quite the opposite. I like him and he should stay.

In fact I’ll go further and say that any serious injury to him this season would have dropped us right in the soup, as we don’t have any viable alternative in terms of a natural centre forward. And that really is the issue that needs resolving. You can’t expect to compete in multiple competitions with only one player in such a crucial position, and especially one with question marks over his quality.

I’ve seen better strikers than Giroud miss easier chances than the ones he fluffed last night, but equally over the course of a season the extra talent of a truly great striker ultimately tells. And with this season, like the last, going right to the wire, the value of having a genuine game-winner up front is irrefutable. So the solution is theoretically simple: Buy another striker not to replace Giroud entirely, but at the very least to ensure we aren’t entirely reliant on him. Anyway, all that’s for the summer.

Last night I was impressed with Arsene’s boldness in dropping Vermaelen again, though it feels like another issue being stored up. If you’re operating on the maxim of ‘don’t change a winning team’, then how do you explain to the skipper that he has to be dropped after beating Norwich?

The simple answer is: by telling him ‘you’re not as good as the other two’. But when I’m making the case for adding proven talent to the squad, I frequently hear that ambitious, proud players won’t put up with a place on the bench. So let’s see how Thomas reacts to a second snub – either he fights to win his place back or throws a strop. In terms of performances it’s unquestionably the right decision, and that’s all any of us should worry about.

Up next, it’s a trip down the Thames to Fulham for a game I suspect will be every bit as nerve-racking. The Cottagers are already safe, and can boast a more dangerous attack than Everton’s, as we discovered at the Emirates earlier this season – though that game also proved they have a substantially less stout defence.

Having dropped points yesterday, we’re back into must-win territory. Seven points from this three-game run will represent a decent enough haul. And according to my voodoo predictions, it’s still very much on…

– TDC

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Arsenal 3-1 Norwich: Canaries Stuffed Late

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 19:32:00 +0100

Jesus Henry Christ, that’s another couple of years sliced off my life expectancy. Earlier in the week, having received my personal signed copy of the ‘Wenger’s View’ weekly email, I was interested to read the manager’s take on the race for fourth. “We are conscious that it will demand 100% commitment in every single game,” said Arsene, presumably sparking a crafty Gauloises for emphasis. “It will be difficult and edgy.” My heart sank at those words, though I didn’t doubt them. Of course it will.

Fast forward to around the seventy minute mark against Norwich, and if anything it felt like the manager had undersold how stressful it was going to be. The match had very much turned into One Of Those Days. Shorn of Rosicky’s sparkiness in midfield, we’d struggled to create many real chances of note, despite having a fuckton of possession.

Worse, we’d also conceded the simplest of set piece goals. A routine free kick punted up to the far post and headed in pretty much unchallenged. I’m not sure that goal gets scored if the BFG is on the pitch, but he was of course sat on the suspended step.

And so we found ourselves 0-1 down. “Is this it?” I wondered. “Are Norwich now our bogey team? Is that where we live now?” Meanwhile, what was left of the was game being eaten up by a combination of relentless time wasting and piss-poor refereeing leading to soft free kicks.

I couldn’t really see us getting back into it, though to save some face I will point out that I had predicted a 3-1 Arsenal win prior to the game, which can be confirmed with my regular drinking partner.

“A point isn’t much good to us against these,” I moaned out loud to the chap next to me. He’s a wiser head, and replied that we’d only know the value that then still currently hypothetical point once it got to the end of the season. “We’ve only got 20 minutes to save our season,” I replied, not untypically pompously.

When our saviour arrived it was from an unexpected source: the portly linesman who’d given us the sum total of sweet Fanny Adams in the preceding 80 odd minutes, including waving away what looked to me a clear shove on Walcott in the box, spotted a tug on Giroud and gave the penalty. (For any lurking Norwich fans, you can see the tug here.)

A ballsy call, seeing as the referee was already in the process of restarting for a goal kick. Pandemonium ensued, including a ludicrous inquest mounted by most of the Norwich team, which took only slightly less time than the Warren Commission into JFK’s shooting.

No matter. Eventually up stepped Arteta and slammed the ball just past the diving Bunn. Still, with only five minutes to go plus an indeterminate amount of added time, I feared we’d be left with more what ifs.

For once I needn’t have worried. This Arsenal team likes to score in flurries, especially at home, and two more goals in quick succession saw the Canaries complete a hugely satisfying choke.

[A quick word on their fans: They brought a lot, and they were loud. Kudos, Tractorphiles.]

Big credit for the turnaround must go to the manager, who got his subs spot on, and will surely enjoy banging out a particularly upbeat email this week (assuming the Everton game on Tuesday night goes okay). Jack didn’t look ready to be starting, and was rightly withdrawn. Chamberlain, on for Sagna as we went all-out attack, set up the goal that put us ahead after linking well with Podolski.

That’s the Ox’s second key contribution in consecutive home games, after winning a penalty against Reading. I’m sure he’d rather be starting, but it’s handy to have a supersub.

As for the German, his sweetly curled finish ensured there wasn’t to be any last minute slip up. But what is the deal with Poldi? I maintain he looks a class act, and we don’t have many better strikers of the ball at the club. And yet he’s been all but completely frozen out since January, with ominous talk of ankle surgery, or even potentially being sold, despite having only been here one season.

There are about half a dozen players on the books I’d rather see the back of than Poldi, but I guess I said that about Arshavin when we shipped him off on loan, only for him to return like a butter-smeared boomerang. It’s a strange situation, but I hope he stays.

After the game Arsene said:

Look how [Podolski] played when he came on. As soon as you have a player who doesn’t play for three games, the papers get a story like that. But he looks very happy to be here.

Elsewhere Ramsey was tenacious and smart again, while also worthy of praise is Fabianksi. I’m still sceptical his renaissance will stick, but the save he made with the score at 2-1 looked immense. Having less fun in the other goal was Mr Bunn. Not since Tim Krul’s magisterial display of time-wasting last season has any keeper earned so much opprobrium for running the clock down, and then had to suffer such a hammering from the gleeful home support.

Bunn, who wonderfully is also apparently a boyhood Spurs fan, made the rookie mistake of doing the ‘mouthing off’ hand gesture at the crowd. No wonder then that the songs directed at him later were so lusty, as he thrice had to pick the ball out of his net in a seven-minute spell. Excellent. Fuck him.

Note: I don’t blame teams for time-wasting. It’s up to referees to police it properly, and very few do. But equally you better believe you’re going to be caned when it doesn’t work out for your team.

Anyway, we left it late. If any reminder was needed that there is precisely zero room for complacency with this run-in, then this was surely it. On paper the Everton and Fulham games both look harder, and by my reckoning we need to take at least four points from them to maintain our tilt for fourth. Difficult? Edgy? You’d better believe it.

– TDC

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WBA 1-2 Arsenal: Witness The Rosickness

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 10:15:00 +0100

Apologies for the headline, but it’s the best I can muster after a long week and what felt like an even longer game. It ought to have been comfortable enough. A largely dominant first half, ending with what should have been a simple Ramsey finish to a fabulous move, which was then followed by a second Rosicky goal at the start of the second half which should have put West Brom to bed. With no conciliatory cocoa.

But on went the handbrake, and sure enough the red card, which had felt like it was in the post once Webb had booked Rosicky and Rambo in the first half, instead went to Per for a bringing down Shane Long. No complaints about the decision, although I suppose I’d have prefered the player to have allowed the shot rather than get himself sent off trying to stop it. But I guess defenders can’t think like that, or they’d be constantly waving strikers through like senile doormen.

After that it wasn’t so much backs to the walls as arses to the floor of the plummeting elevator. At 2-1 I couldn’t see much scope for three Arsenal points, unless we somehow found a way to keep the ball or hit on the break. Neither of which seemed likely with Gervinho’s removal to allow Vermaelen on stripping the team of any pace, and Giroud holding the ball up with all the enthusiasm of a one-armed man asked to juggle uranium rods.

I’d have far more sympathy with the fizog-blessed Frenchman if he hadn’t attempted that shot in injury time. Striker’s instinct my arse. Everyone who’s read the Emergency Rearguard Manual knows standard operating procedure is take it into the corner and nurse it between your feet like an unruly baby penguin in a blizzard. Had we conceded from the resulting goal kick the manager would have been rightly furious.

But we didn’t concede. Instead the performance will be filed alongside Sunderland away as a gritty display of character. Which I guess it was, though I also can’t shake the nagging feeling that it should also serve as a reminder of the fine margins on which football, and therefore our collective mood, operates.

Or to put it another way: if either Lukaku or Long took what, really, were easy chances, we’d have dropped points. That they didn’t had little to do with our true grit or spartan spirit. They just shanked the shots. If that sounds ungrateful for the points, or miserly about the performance, it’s not intended to. But be under no illusion that if West Brom had equalised there would have been an inquest about how the game had been ‘thrown away’. The narrative swings in a second.

The story now, though, is of pressure being exerted on the other Champions League contenders. We’ve won five of our last six games, and that’s exactly the sort of form we need to be in if we’re going to finish fourth. (According to our podcast guesstimations, we can only afford to lose one game and draw another.) It’s going to be tight like Scrooge’s snare drum.

The one upside to being out of the cups is the long recovery time it affords the players. Equally, it gives our own shattered nerves some time to heal. During a game as tense as yesterday’s second half was, I find myself drawn to displacement activity – like filing paperwork – in order to distract myself. Yesterday, I stumbled across a letter from BUPA just as Fabianski opted for the unorthodox methodology of punching a striker flush in the face. There doesn’t appear to be any clause that covers goalkeeper-induced-coronary in my health coverage.

After Reading I wrote that the jury would remain out on Fab until a game in which he’d come under a lot of pressure. Now, I’m still not sure. The hesitancy to come off his line and claim high balls is still there, and has the effect of sucking the defence back towards him to fill the space. But I can’t fault him for not saving the penalty, so it’d be a surprise if Arsene opts to recall the other Pole.

A player who will have a shot at redemption is Vermaelen, who’ll now replace the suspended Mertesacker (only for one game, remember, as the red wasn’t for dangerous foul play) against Norwich next Saturday. Assuming we come through that match unscathed, the manager really will have a dilemma about who he picks at centre back. But that’s a worry – hopefully – for another day.

For now, we get to enjoy the points. At this stage of the season that really is all that matters. It’s ridiculous how precious they feel, and how they dictate our collective happiness for the next seven days, but there it is. The lion’s share of the credit yesterday has to go to Little Tom for his sharp reactions on both goals.

When Rosicky signed, I regarded him as the most exciting arrival since Bergkamp, largely due to years of using him as captain in my Pro Evo Master League side. That he hasn’t lived up to his potential is of course down to injuries, but at times I also had the sense, especially with Cesc in his pomp, and Nasri arriving to perform a similar role, that the Czech felt he was going to be marginalised.

Since those players left, when available and selected he seems to relish the chance to deliver a real contribution rather than just make up the numbers. If he can help drive us to fourth again, as he did alongside Yossi last year, it will be quite the Indian summer to his Arsenal career.

My issue with him has always been that for his talent he ought to have a showreel with more match winners on it. But yesterday he was a class act. Perhaps when your career is starting to wind down, you rediscover the love you first had for the game and cling even harder to it. Anyway, enough back of a cereal packet psychology from me. Well played Tomas. Turns out it also only takes a second to be a hero.

– TDC

March Podcast: More Sherry, Mother?

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 08:13:00 +0100

Can we finish 4th? Has Nasri ever been right about anything? And is it ever acceptable to openly drink sherry? Prepare you ears for all this and more…

This month I’m trying a new hosting service, which means you should be able to play the podcast on this page, with the fancy player thingy below. Or download it direct. It’s also still available on iTunes. Despite Apple putting everything but the demon dog Cerberus in the way of that happening smoothly.

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Arsenal 4-1 Reading: The Forehead Redemption

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 11:35:00 +0100

Arsenal were controlled, dominant, and at times quite brilliant against a Reading side with one foot in the Championship (and the other might as well be in a wood chipper). Controlled. Brilliant. Dominant. It’s fair to say those are not three adjectives I’ve had cause to dust off in combination too many times this season, but after the tedious doldrums of yet another international break, it was great to get back to business. And off the back of our two previous performances, Arsenal’s fans and players both seemed refreshed.

The mood is very different to a couple of weeks ago. After the disappointment of the Spurs game I was looking at the remainder of the season with all the enthusiasm of a condemned man being served a burrito full of used batteries for his final meal. But since Swansea away, and the seriousness shown by the team in Munich, I’ve had a growing sense we can do this. And yes, by this, I mean finish 4th, and no, that’s shouldn’t be seen as a successful season on its own.

But c’mon! We are where we are. Specifically: in a shitfight with our two most detested local rivals. That’s something to get pumped up about. Today Spurs didn’t drop points, but Rafa’s Chelsea (let’s enjoy saying that while it lasts) did. Both clubs are now realistic targets to reel in, but nothing less than total focus, and I dare say a little luck, will do the trick. Obviously it’s not time to buy the fourth place trophy bunting just because we knocked four past an abject Reading side, but some of our quickfire pass/move stuff was absolutely lovely.

As it was, the star of the show – and I again these are not words I expected to type this morning – was Gervinho. Actually, I’m going to take some credit for calling that he’d start. Earlier in the week plenty of people seemed convinced The Ox would get the nod, but I was convinced the Ivorian would start. Partly because, for all his frustrating finishing, (more on which in a moment), the way he plays is like seeing chaos theory demonstrated through the medium of football. Things seem to happen around him, and the reason for those things can be hard to discern. Nor are those things always good things, but there’s no doubt he gives the team more unpredictability.

There’s also this: regardless of his latest mutterings in the press about a cull, there’s no way Arsene is going to simply bin off a player he paid the thick end of £10m for two seasons ago. To even think that might happen is to ignore all the previous examples of the manager’s determination to see players come good. (*Looks sadly at the smoking wreckage of Diaby*) So, given that he isn’t going to sell him, you had to assume Gervinho would be re-integrated into the side at some point, and with Walcott injured and Reading as the opposition, there weren’t going to be many better opportunities.

Et voila. One goal, two assists, and a standing ovation when he was eventually replaced. None of which is to say the things which have made him hard to watch in the past have all now been fixed. Even in this game he easily could have had a hat-trick in the first half alone. But if expectations can be kept realistic, and if we can temper our exasperation at times, then he can still be a decent squad player for Arsenal. It probably won’t be easy though. To illustrate the scale of the job in winning back some fans, I offer the following examples.

It’s early-ish in the second half, and a Giroud flick somehow evades the Reading defender and squirts through to Gervinho. His pace has taken him clear of their defenders but also his teammates. He’s a little too wide to shoot. Nonetheless, “FOR FUCK’S SAKE SHOOT!” goes the cry behind me. But he doesn’t. He cuts back on himself, looks up and crosses a decent enough ball to the now arriving Giroud, which is headed away by a defender. Cue groans. But although it didn’t work out, it was the right decision.

Minutes later he’s again in the box, and again a little too wide for the shot. This time a different man behind me cries: “JUST DO SOMETHING!” And he does. He looks up and angles the ball back to Santi, who side foots the ball into the net as forcefully as you or I could probably lace it. It’s a lovely goal and I turn and say: “will that do?” Which isn’t like me really. In any case, it’s not like I don’t understand why the frustration is there. There’s no doubt he has been monumentally frustrating at times, and will likely continue to be so. The point I suppose I’m trying to make is that there is a player in there, and we’d all be better off if he can keep finding the kind of form he showed today, so, uh, let’s hope that’s what happens.

And just in case it seems like I’m suggesting the whole crowd is anti-Gervinho, which I don’t think they are, here’s the song our block sings for him, which doesn’t seem to have spread to the rest of the crowd yet. It’s sweet. (Yes, it’s also in entirely the wrong orientation. Heat of the moment.)

Right. Let’s wrap up with some scattershot observations.

Our midfield…
…was absolutely superb today. Of the trio I can’t decide who stood out most between Ramsey and Rosicky. The Welshman, who was also great against Scotland before, erm, getting sent off, was magisterial today. He picked the right passes without ever dawdling, chased and harried, and almost scored the goal of the game at the end. Much as it’s sad that Diaby has broken down again, my suspicion is that Ramsey had already become a better player. I also think that, without wanting to keep harping on about his injury, the willpower he’s shown, particularly after a tough spell when his form did fade, is little short of incredible. He can still have a big future at Arsenal.

Rosicky has less time left, but although I haven’t always been a huge admirer, after games like this one I can see why so many are. He was a relentless dynamo, quickening the play and pressurising Reading’s players when we didn’t have the ball. A lot of the really nice one touch stuff came from his prompting too.

And Mikel? He was back to his solid best, putting the penalty away like he was shelling a particularly large white pea. In the same way people are advocating keeping Koscielny and Mertesacker together, I’m not sure there’s much sense in rushing Jack back until we need to. Which is not a criticism of him, more just a recognition that when something’s working it’s unwise to dismantle it.

The keeper…
…hasn’t really been tested yet. His kicking is definitely an improvement, but until we see him in a game which requires making a string of saves, it’s tough to judge whether we really are seeing some sort of Fabianksi 2000 sent from the future to collect high balls. One to keep an eye on.

The Reading goal…
…came almost as soon as we got our third, and without wanting to overanalyse it, I did find the lack of challenges in the build-up annoying. There seemed to be a whiff of: ‘well, we’re 3-0 up now – job done’. But even against a team as doomed as Reading are, you can have your pants pulled down so quickly in this league. One day that lesson will finally sink in and we’ll all be much, much happier.

The Giroud non-penalty…
…was as bad a decision as I’ve seen at the Emirates all season. Thankfully, it didn’t prove costly, but it’s always best to complain about this stuff when it isn’t just going to look like sour grapes. Quite how Foy and his linesman missed it, I have no idea. The keeper clearly got nowhere near the ball, which the Frenchman had flicked away, so unless the rules have changed and you’re now allowed to clear players out in a manner akin to a pedestrian going over a speeding car’s bonnet, I’m at a loss. Foy has been consistently criticised, including on this blog, for bottling calls – but I’m starting to think it’s as likely he’s just a bit rubbish.

Singing for Rocky on the seventh minute…
…was a lovely moment. Especially because it looked like it might peter out at one point, but enough people stood up, kept singing, and encouraged those around them, until it really was the whole stadium. For a few minutes after that I can barely remember what happened on the pitch, because it was just chant after chant. A reminder of how much noise the Emirates crowd can make on a good day and, more importantly, a fine tribute to one of the club’s best loved sons.

Santi…
…is tremendous. Not much to add there, but I will say this: I prefer watching him play to the dirty Dutchman. (Which is not me saying I think he’s better, just that I prefer watching his style of play.) In his first season, Santi has already scored 13 times. By way of comparison David Silva has five goals this season and Juan Mata has 10. Both cost over £10m more. (And again, I’m clearly not saying I wouldn’t take either of the other Spaniards in our squad.) We still have a couple of genuinely box office players in Cazorla and Wilshere. Let’s get fourth place and then add to them.

The Summer…
…will probably be more of the same though. Or at least it will be if you listen to Arsene. In amongst his somewhat unlikely talk of a clearout if we miss out on the Champions League was this line: “What is important is to trust young players to do it in the future, because everybody wants to bring in names. That’s where we have to do to be strong enough to do the right thing.” I just don’t agree with that (although it’s another example of how Arsene, far from being some arch manipulator of fan expectations, is actually pretty consistent with his messaging). There’s nothing intrinsically ‘right’ about winning with youth. Let’s not forget that the Invincibles were created through the transfer market. Only Ashley Cole was a product of our academy. Was the way that side was assembled wrong? Cazorla is 28 and, as a Spanish international, was also exactly the kind of ‘name’ many fans want. It’s the kind of shopping we need to keep doing if we’re going to kick on.

Right, I’ve managed to sidetrack myself with transfer talk. It really is a debilitating addiction. Next up West Brom await, apparently without the suspended Mulumbu, while Spurs and Chelsea play Everton and Sunderland respectively. It’s going to be tight, chums. It’s also probably going to be quite exciting. Or, as the manager quite magnificently puts it: “It will be less predictable than it was predicted.” There’s no arguing with that.

– TDC

PS New podcast later this week

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Assorted Opinions & Predictions

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 22:55:00 +0000

Hello chums. The avid readers among you (hello dad) may have noticed that I’ve failed to post anything since the Swansea game, despite the fact I tend to post roughly one article per game. (With the exception of losses to Utd, which get roughly none articles.) Anyway, sorry. (I’m not sorry.) Even more avid readers among you (mother) will recall that IRL I am in the process of buying a new house. Except now I’m probably not, because it’s turned into the sort of endless nightmare even Osborne’s new free money scheme can’t fix.

Anyway, that’s largely why I’ve neglected the updates here. But! I haven’t been entirely idle/paralysed by fear of bankruptcy. Using my newfound numeracy skills I’ve knocked up another patented end of season Predictortron device – (yes, a spreadsheet, what?) – with which you can guess the remaining results for Arsenal, Spurs, Chelsea and – what the hell! – Everton, thereby discovering RIGHT NOW if we’re going to win the fourth place trophy. Or not.

I’ve done it as a google doc this year. Assuming you’ve got a google account – and if not, dude, it’s #2013 – just click this link to see my predictions. To enter your own predictions, go to ‘file’, then select ‘make a copy’, and you should be able to amend the points tallies for each game. As you can see I have us sneaking fourth ahead of Spurs (but only on goal difference). So that promises to be another relaxing run-in.

If you’d still like some extended post-Bayern and Swansea thoughts, may I point you in the direction of the Arsenal America podcast. My segment involved some friendly sparring with AST spokesman/pantomime villain Tim Payton. It’s essentially a “Tim off”. And hopefully less disgusting than you’re imagining what the mechanics of that might involve.

FWIW, and lest anyone think there’s actually any bad blood in the Timocracy (©Tim Bostelle at 7amkickoff) it was only listening to Tim P on the Arseblog Arsecast a few years back that I had any idea about Arsenal’s oddly flat wage structure. No one else was talking about it publicly at the time. Also on the show is the always excellent Amy Lawrence.

If that isn’t enough of my big fat mouth*, I did a google hangout thingy with some other Arsenal fans for Soccer Without Limits. You can watch the video below. Again, it’s mainly Bayern/Swansea stuff, but also a glimpse at the flat in which I currently live and will now never leave unless it’s in a box thanks to the combined ass-hattery of various estate agents and solicitors.

Normal service will hopefully be resumed at some point. In the meantime, send sweet sherry.

– TDC

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*Handily my big fat mouth is mostly covered with a big fat graphic. Let me know if that adds any sexual frisson for you.

Bayern Munich 0-2 Arsenal: Almost Wenger's Ride Of The Valkyries Moment

Wed, 13 Mar 2013 22:45:00 +0000

So, it’s glorious to defeat to one of Europe’s elite in the first round of the knockout stage again. But I don’t feel any of the usual frustration. Last season we came within a goal of forcing extra time. This time we needed one more to win the tie outright. That’s not to claim the team has progressed, particularly – although Bayern are a stronger side than last year’s Milan – but the reason I feel satisfied is because this Arsenal side delivered a performance I thought was beyond its personnel.

Let’s make no bones about it: If you follow me on Twitter you’ll know I gave Arsenal zero chance of making it through to the next round. I’d have gladly taken a spirited draw beforehand. In fact I thought we were more likely to be swept up by the Rapture than beat Bayern. (I may also have suggested there was as much chance of me growing a second cock as putting three goals past Neuer. But no need to revisit that awkwardness now.)

Anyway, we didn’t score three, but we did give it a bastard good go. It was an odd sort of game all told. Perhaps being underdogs suits these players, or maybe there’s something about the team’s mentality which means it only functions when it’s already a couple of goals down. Who knows? Not me, and judging by his now near-permanent look of frustration perhaps not Arsene.

[Aside: sometimes the manager’s reactions are so in sync with the fans it’s sort of amazing and reassuring to see. That moment when he hugged Pat Rice on the bench during the final game against WBA last season was one example, and tonight his Fukushima meltdown of exasperation after Giroud blazed a 30+ yard volley into the ionosphere was another. Even if one of those wondershots eventually flies in, it won’t make all the others he’s attempted into good decisions. And I’ll also likely be long dead before it happens.]

Back to the game, and yeah… It was odd. Bayern seemed complacent, in that classic “we’ve only got to turn up to get through here” way that many of us will be all too familiar with. As long as the game stayed at 1-0, they seemed unsure as to whether to stick or twist. Der handbrake was in place. I’m not sure the adage about scoring too early really holds true, as it certainly put the scheiße up them. But our second, magnificent though the header from Kos was, definitely came too late.

A shame that Walcott was wrongly flagged off when clean through, but these things happen. Between the ref, who at least was consistent in his maddeningly frequent whistling, and some lunkheaded fouls from Arteta, the remaining time just got eaten up, and we went out in a blizzard of slow motion throw-ins. As Jonathan Wilson notes here, the away goals rule is daft.

A word on Arteta: Aside from the fouls, he looked totally gassed. That Arsene didn’t take him off can only be because of his leadership and, more pertinently, because he’s one of the few midfielders available who can be trusted to hold his position. But really it’s remarkable – still – that we don’t have more options at defensive midfield. By which I suppose I mean: of course he’s struggling this season. We’ve tried to play the same 30-year old defensive midfielder in almost every game of four competitions. What else did Arsene expect?

In any case, there’s little point picking the bones out of our arse-backwards squad balance tonight. Instead let’s praise the players, all of whom put in a shift, and looked like they believed they could steal a result which earlier in the day I dismissed as absurd. A notably more vocal Fabianski did well when called on, and although one rick-free game does not a new dawn bring, as my fellow podcaster Dave noted while watching the game, we forget that Fab was the incumbent and playing well before injury gave Szcz his shot.

The entire defence did well. Gibbs and, especially, Jenkinson were committed and dynamic, while Mertesacker and Koscielny, neither of whom are immune to individual errors, do seem to make for a better partnership than either with Vermaelen. And on that basis I’d be happy for the manager to stick with the same back four, assuming they aren’t completely shattered after their efforts in the Allianz.

The best thing about tonight, and there are plenty of positives, is that it feels like if the players have been lifted like the fans seem to have been, they should be able to approach the final ten games with some of that fabled belief and mental strength you may have heard the manager mention. There is, of course, a desperate irony to scrapping so hard to compete/participate in a tournament we don’t have much chance of winning. And regardless of tonight’s performance, I would stand by the view that we are squad some way short of putting together enough nights like tonight to win the Champions League.

All that said, there is no benefit to being out of the competition – and I’m certainly not swayed that it would light any sort of fire under our somnolent board members. Far more likely they’d retreat even further into financial conservatism. The team needs to go for it now, and if they play like tonight the bond between them and the fans can be reforged fast.

Before I go, a quick word of thanks to Elliot from YankeeGunner (and also the podcast) who kindly agreed to cover the Champions League for this site. Partly to ease the pressure on my lazy ass, but also because in truth he’s far more in love with the Champions League than I am. He’s off on his hols now, but I hope I get to ask him to do likewise next season.

– TDC

Follow @arse2mouse

February Podcast: Oh Captain, My Captain!

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 15:42:00 +0000

Apologies for the slightly late arrival of what’s theoretically the February podcast. Having struggled with motivation over the course of a month which saw failures against Blackburn (unacceptable) and Bayern (more acceptable, but still not much fun), I naively hoped that the North London Derby might offer some potential respite. Good call, me.

There will be no blog about the Spurs game, because, honestly, fuck that. Instead, you can listen to myself, regular contributor Elliot from YankeeGunner, and (filling in for Dave) Hayley, who does the Diary Of A Season vlog. Topics for discussion include ‘can we finish fourth?’, ‘what’s the deal with Podolski?’ and ‘is the continuing existence of Stefan Freund irrefutable evidence that we live in a godless universe’.

Actually that last topic isn’t included. It should be, but I only just thought of it. Again: go me. You can download direct from here [right click to save] or subscribe via iTunes here. We also touch on the almost certainly fake takeover bid, which leads me to an extended riff/whine from me about Stan being a shitty owner who I’d gladly see replaced by a scarecrow stuffed with dollars and dead sparrows.

I’ll endeavour to be more punctual next month, although I’m not sure we’ll have anything fresh to say. Unless someone stages an intervention and takes the mic away. Please?

Follow @arse2mouse

Arsenal 2-1 Aston Villa: Santi Stops The Bleeding

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 15:04:00 +0000

Having been dumped out of both remaining cups in the preceding seven days (yes, I know, but *c’mon*), it’s fair to say that as weeks go, Arsenal’s had been something of a shitter. It’s also been fair to say that mine hadn’t been much better, thanks to the sale of the Mouse Haus having “done a Mata” and fallen through at the very last possible minute.

Before kickoff, I was bemoaning my misfortune to Chris who stands to my right, and – bless him – he nodded and listened sympathetically as I told my tale of woe. “It’s at a times like this,” I finished up saying, “that you realise there are bigger worries in life than this football club.” Chris nodded sympathetically once more, paused, then grinned and said: “Now wash your bloody mouth out.”

Fair play.

The team provided an early pick me up in the form of Santi stroking home at second time of asking with barely more than five minutes gone. Chris and I agreed that, actually, it’d be quite bloody nice thanks if the team could cruise to a routine win with few alarms or surprises along the way. Neither felt especially convinced of the likelihood of that happening. And so it went.

Arsenal teased and probed to little serious effect, while Villa flipped in some dangerous looking crosses and forced one good save from Szczesny – more on whom later. The longer it stayed locked at 1-0, the more antsy I felt about getting caught by a set piece or a quick break. In the end it was the latter, with Villa demonstrating how counter attacks only really work if you commit men to them and shift the ball as quickly as feasibly possible.

Even with the 20 minutes left on the clock, I wasn’t hugely convinced we’d be able to find a winner, based on the ponderousness – the handbrakiness – of our play up until that point. In the end though, we managed to raise the tempo (perhaps in part due to the withdrawal through injury of Diaby, who’s the human equivalent of a slow motion button on a DVD player) and eventually Cazorla’s class told. The mood in the stadium, which had gone from subdued to sour, was finally lifted. Three points. Relief.

Here are seven some other observations about the match and recent goings on at Arsenal, in no particular order…

Cazorla was the difference – Yesterday saw the Spanish goal pixie back to something like his very best. Even without the goals he was the outstanding player on the day, regularly losing his marker to set up chances, most of which seemed to either bounce off the hapless Giroud or, more worryingly, elude him completely. Even without the ball Santi chased down defenders and always made himself available. Without him I doubt we’d have won, and in hindsight his absence against Blackburn was felt most keenly of the three rested first XI-ers, a big selection call which Wenger must surely regret now.
We need to talk about Woj – I think most Arsenal fans would agree that Szczesny needs an experienced keeper in the squad to provide some competition. I’ll go even further: I’ve been of a mind since last season that Arsenal could consider replacing him. That feeling is starting to harden into ‘should’. One chap told me that this would be incredibly harsh to “one of the most promising young keepers in Europe”. Perhaps he is. Without watching the majority of other young keepers in Europe, it’s very hard to say. I certainly haven’t seen all of them. What I have done is watch a lot of Premier League football, and can state quite categorically that there are at least half a dozen, probably more, keepers in England currently making less mistakes. Is there any real reason why we need to have a player in such a vital position learning on the job? Certainly we shouldn’t be entirely reliant on one option. So: a new keeper must be a priority in the summer. And if young Woj isn’t willing to back himself and battle for his spot, then I would conclude he wasn’t made of the right stuff in the first place.
Rambo has silenced (as least some) of the critics – Slotting in at right back with a game still to be won, the Welshman barely put a foot wrong, played some smart passes, and looks close to being back to his best. It’s notable that I didn’t hear a single Ramsey-related groan from around me in the North Lower yesterday. He might not have been the sexiest re-signing of the vaunted ‘British Core’, but Rambo is exactly the kind of player you need around if you’re going to create the kind of squad depth most fans (rightly) bemoan the lack of at Arsenal.
Our decision-making in front of goal is still crackers – “Same old Arsenal, always trying to walk it in” goes the cliche about Arsenal brilliantly sent up by the IT Crowd. But the point about truisms is that they’re true, and this one still sticks despite the personnel changing several times. There’s no doubt that a big part of the crowd’s frustration in the years since the move to the Emirates has been down to the way players around the box opt to prod and flick rather than put their laces through the ball. To a degree I understand why it happens – they’re looking to create the highest percentage chance of scoring by opening up the defence as completely as possible, rather than hoping for a lucky deflection. But on a day like yesterday, as with so many other times when teams defend deep, you can’t help feel we need less shuffle and more justfuckingshoot. But here’s the really maddening thing: when they *do* opt to shoot it’s often from an insanely wide angle, well away from the goal. It’s a decision-making thing, and seven shots on target from 26 attempts tells its own story about our profligacy.
There is a special circle of hell in which Arsenal fans are forced to watch our attacking corners for all eternity – Honestly, we should just give the ball back. At least there might be less chance of getting caught on the break.
I’m not convinced by Arsene’s latest quotes – I haven’t had much to say until now about the supposed press conference ‘meltdown’, because I’ve tried to reconcile myself to the futility of getting annoyed by anything he says. However. It seems to me quite a thing to get annoyed with The Sun for their deliberate falsification of facts (no doubt to create mischief, and absolutely #DontBuyTheSun), but then in the same week come out and say “we only had money recently”. Perhaps that’s true, I can’t say for certain – but what I can say, and what Gingers4Limpar’s thorough trawl through the cuttings proves, is that if it is true, then we’ve been very deliberately fed “wrong information” for years now. And no doubt the apologists will cite Machiavelli, and claim it was in the club’s best interest to do so. But if you’re going to be annoyed about a newspaper’s paying readers being let down by misinformation, don’t try to tell me the paying fans haven’t been let down by outright disinformation too. Like the Gingers4Limpar article, I’m hugely sceptical this promised loosening of purse strings will actually occur. Buried within the recent quotes is this line: “I believe we have to be faithful to what this club is about, which is to give a chance to the young players we educate.” Why does it have to be that education is what the club is about? Was it always Arsenal’s raison d’être, or just under Arsene? I would gladly win something with a bunch of grizzled old men at this point.
Cup Final jealousy – As I started typing this post, while sat waiting for the train back to cider country to depart, a swathe of chanting Swansea fans poured off the opposite platform at Paddington. It’s impossible not to feel pangs of what might have been. Clearly, there’s no guarantee we’d have beaten them – they’re a better team than the relegated Birmingham one we failed to overcome, and nor have we improved since then, but it’d have been exciting to give it a go. Although obviously with the week having gone the way it has, both for Arsenal and me, perhaps it’s for the best…

So, that’s that then. Not a great performance. At times, when the players are visibly low on confidence, it seems like they’ve swapped the give-and-go for the give-and-stop. Nonetheless, they just about did enough to deserve all three points. More will be required at the Lane next week, before which we hope to have up a new podcast.

– TDC

Follow @arse2mouse

Arsenal 1-3 Bayern Munich: Not with a bang, but with a whimper

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 19:09:00 +0000

If the loss to Blackburn on Saturday was an example of Arsenal’s lack of commitment, then Tuesday night’s humbling loss to Bayern Munich was a stark reminder that this team is also desperately lacking in quality. The Emirates stadium was designed to be a monument to top quality football. It was built to help solidify Arsenal’s place among the best clubs in the world. How ironic that it was the stage for two demoralising cup exits in the span of four days. The latest of which may have been the last time the beautiful new ground hosts a Champions League match for some time.

Arsenal’s Champions League adventure ended not with a bang, but with a whimper. While the tie is not officially over until the final whistle blows at the Allianz Arena on March 13th, there is little reason to believe that a comeback is in the offing. Arsenal didn’t lose the first leg of this tie because they lacked heart, or conviction, or desire. We were beaten because we were inferior. Bayern Munich outclassed Arsenal over 90 minutes and even the usually evasive Arsene Wenger had to acknowledge that there was “a difference of quality in their display compared to ours.”

What Tuesday night’s loss made me realise is that I’ve totally misjudged this Arsenal side. It’s not that I believed they were world beaters, but I had been labouring under the misapprehension that they were a quality side struggling with consistency. Now I see how badly I’ve overrated them. Bayern Munich are among the best in Europe and the way they comfortably handled us on our ground is a clear measure of how far we’ve fallen from the top of European football.

Many supporters will console themselves with the knowledge that few teams in Europe could beat this Bayern side. But as far as I’m concerned, that’s an unacceptable excuse. If Arsenal expect to be taken seriously as a Champions League team, then we should have a squad that is capable of competing with whomever we draw. Being beaten by Bayern is not unforgivable. Being swatted aside with relative ease in our shiny new stadium is hard to take. And it’s hard to take because the decision has been made that this squad is strong enough as it’s currently constituted.

We have every right to expect our team to fare better than this against any opposition. Arsenal managed a draw and a win at the Emirates against arguably tougher Barcelona teams. And those results were achieved by mostly disappointing Arsenal sides. But the erosion of quality at the club seems to have well and truly caught up with us. We now find ourselves neither able to focus enough to dispatch lesser opposition, nor possessing the quality to handle the top sides. On Tuesday night we got a first hand look at what a potential Champions League winner looks like, and we saw just how far we’ve fallen from that standard.

There were so many players found wanting on Tuesday night that it hardly seems necessary to name them. Unlike disappointments of the past, there can be little argument that this was essentially our strongest XI. Left-back aside, the manager had every player to choose from and the players he chose were overmatched. It’s fair to point out that Thomas Vermaelen’s struggles deputising at left-back were a huge problem in this match. But the fact that he was the only player available for the position is every bit a crisis of our own making.

What this match made me realize is that the players we consider mediocre aren’t even that good. And the players we consider quality are mostly mediocre. In the humdrum existence of a midtable Premier League side, players like Lukas Podolski and Mikel Arteta and Per Mertesacker may seem like world-class talents. But when confronted with a truly talented opponent like Bayern, it’s easy to see that they are far from what’s required if we ever hope to be the best.

The best players are daring and confident in the face of any opposition. But most of Arsenal’s players hid from the spotlight on Tuesday night. According to opta stats tweeted by @orbinho, Mikel Arteta completed 29 passes to Per Mertesacker. All game long the midfield and defence passed the ball back and forth between one another, unsure of how to attack Bayern. We lacked the cunning, the courage and the class to do it. We failed to muster a shot on target in the first half, and only managed a goal thanks almost entirely to comical refereeing and even worse goal-keeping.

Because we love Arsenal, we love the players who play for Arsenal. We view them like our children and want to protect them from criticism. Much like a parent who doesn’t want to admit their child is stupid, we do not want to admit that our players aren’t good enough. But just like there are many stupid children, there are many poor Arsenal players.

We get plenty of excuses for the paucity of talent in the squad. Unfortunately, it’s now clear that the excuses have done nothing but hold us back. Think of how many times we’ve been told that Abou Diaby would be a massive player for us if he could ever stay fit. Think of the “gamble” Arsene took on him this summer when he decided to sell Alex Song and not buy a replacement. Well Diaby is fit now, and he wasn’t even selected on Tuesday night. And our lone replacement for the best striker in the Premier League was sat beside him on the bench as well.

We can defend players that we know probably aren’t what we need, but defending them only serves to reinforce the reality of our new position on the footballing totem pole. Praise Giroud or Diaby all you want, but the manager didn’t believe in them enough to start them Tuesday night. And the likes of Ramsey and Arteta and Mertesacker and Vermalen and Podolski and Szczesny were a distant second best to the men wearing Bayern Munich shirts. Only when we acknowledge that we don’t truly possess the quality players we need, can we accept the reality of our situation. For all our financial success, we have become a second tier team on the pitch.

I feel badly for Jack Wilshere. His energy and passion is exceeded only by his skill. In him you see the pattern of Cesc Fabregas’ career potentially being played out again. Cesc loved Arsenal and treated Arsenal fans to some absolutely magnificent football. But he was never surrounded by the proper pieces to achieve the success he craved. Loyalty may have ultimately driven him back to Barcelona, but it wouldn’t be outrageous to suggest that frustration with failure may have contributed to his departure. Hopefully the same won’t be true of Jack.

So where do we go from here? We are a team adrift, and what remains of this season is a truly dismal proposition. From now until May, Arsenal will be reduced to chasing a top four finish in the Premier League. Aside from a trip to Sp*rs, the demoralizing second leg against Bayern, and a visit from United, there are no big fixtures left on the calendar. There are no nights of cup magic. Nothing on the schedule to fill the ground with 60,000 rabid supporters. Just visits from Everton, Reading, Norwich and Wigan. Not exactly the glamour of Barcelona, AC Milan or Real Madrid, let alone a cup final.

It’s another lost season. Most of the intrigue and all of the fantasy gone by February. You can forgive the supporters if the interest wanes. Hopefully the players will find a way to stay engaged just long enough to sneak back into fourth place.

– ES

Follow @yankeegunner

Arsenal 0-1 Blackburn: Sterile Capitulation

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 20:23:00 +0000

Tragically, I just accidentally typed the scoreline above as a one nil Arsenal win and had to delete it before embarking on the rest of this miserable screed. Right, where to start? It’s getting harder to know what to add, beyond this, each time Arsenal serves up another of these ‘spectaculars’. (I mean that in the Al-Qaeda sense of the word, rather than the West End show one.)

The truth is that going into the game I wasn’t particularly worried by the team selection. As I wrote on the official site, both Gervinho and the Ox were players who needed a goal to re-start their seasons. With hindsight, I should have noted that the Ox struggles to score full stop, and Gervinho has well-documented issues of his own in front of goal. Both played wastefully, with Gervinho in particular picking right up where he left off before the African Cup of Nations. Chamberlain really is suffering from second season syndrome, too.

So, with little from the wings, what goal-scoring threat could this Arsenal side offer? Giroud has been in decent form, and I dare say is a good striker, but shorn of his usual supply lines – Walcott, Cazorla, Podolski and Wilshere – it’s little surprise he also struggled. Of the midfielders behind him, Rosicky looked rusty until a late flurry, during which he hit the bar, and was substituted, while Diaby might as well have been dipped in a blend of treacle and quicksand. Time and again moves ground to a halt while the spindly maestro surveyed his options, found them wanting, and shunted the ball harmlessly on.

Which pretty much left set pieces as the most likely route to goal country. Or at least so you might think if you had never seen us take a corner. Blackburn clearly had. Their defenders were largely content to boot the ball out, so little did they fear us from them. In fact, they even left two players up on the halfway line to counter attack. Contrast that with our entire team staying moored to the box when defending Blackburn’s corners.

So, having ruled out the forwards, midfielders, and set pieces, that only leaves the full backs as an obvious source of menace. Both played okay defensively, but Monreal’s shots and crosses didn’t come off and Coquelin, admittedly playing out of position, looked to pass tamely back inside far too often for me. I still don’t really see the obsession some seem to have with him. What precisely does he offer beyond a willingness to run about? Let’s face it, that should be an entry level requirement. And yet it does still seem to elude some of our players, who turn up apparently expecting to shuffle the ball around a bit and then be granted free passage into the next round.

The game at Brighton ought to have told the team how hard you have to work against motivated, even moderately organised, Championship sides. But if they didn’t learn the lesson from being dumped out of the League Cup by Bradford, I suppose it’s naive to expect anything else. It is also worth noting that in that defeat, and when the goal was conceded today, we had close to our strongest possible XI on the pitch. I’m told it was Theo who lost his man today, but honestly can’t recall what happened (I think because the situation looked so innocuous) until Szcz parried the resultant shot straight in front of him. Again, I feel no need to protect players, however popular: As brilliant as he was in the Sunderland game, overall the keeper hasn’t been great this season, and we have no viable alternative to him. None.

Even with the cavalry already deployed in the form of Theo, Jack and Santi, I didn’t feel confident of turning the result around. We certainly created more, and passed much better, but time felt too short. It was also telling that the one option we didn’t have on the bench was a natural replacement for Giroud. I really like Podolski as a player, and he’s arguably got the best shot at the club, but for whatever reason Arsene doesn’t see him as a central striker. Fair enough. But then who is the cover? It’s at this point we have to consider the manager’s role in today’s debacle…

The game was crying out for Giroud to either be replaced or supported by another frontline centre forward, but we don’t have one on the books. And regardless of which flavour of conspiracy theory you subscribe to about the lack of spending, it’s surely now impossible to absolve Arsene of blame. It was remiss to rely on a single striker last season, regardless of how brilliant the feckless bastard was. At any point a serious injury to him would have derailed our entire season. Now we’re in the same situation, but with a striker who’s new to the league and, with the best will in the world, not as eye-wateringly brilliant as the feckless bastard was.

Nonetheless, even putting aside the glaring, inarguable, utterly maddening deficiencies in the squad, these players should have enough ability to best the Bradford and Blackburns (at home!) we come up against. Or at least they should, if they’re correctly motivated and organised. That isn’t to say the players don’t share the blame, but today’s result is part of a pattern of underperformance against supposedly lesser sides in the Premier League. The difference this season is we’ve begun failing against teams from the lower league in the cups.

Before kickoff, the OptaJoe Twitter account noted that Arsenal were unbeaten in 34 FA Cup ties against lower league teams. Nicely jinxed. Still, I suppose this side does like to set new standards. Here’s another stat, which I’ve stolen from Gingers4Limpar: Today was our ninth defeat of the season. The record reads W18 D12 L9 – a win ratio of 46%. Last season our win ratio was 57%, and even then we only qualified for the Champions League by the grace of ever-loving Fulop. In short, the statistical omens of a top four finish are not good. And I can’t say that will hurt me any more than today does.

I love the FA Cup, was excited to be in the draw after the Brighton game, and felt optimistic having got Blackburn at home. But I don’t think it’s unfair to describe the way the team failed as embarrassing. I can recognise the benefit to finishing fourth in terms of the balance sheet, but you can no longer tell me it’s crucial to keeping star players or signing new ones. Because we’ve failed on both counts over the past couple of seasons.

As for winning ol’ big ears, it feels absurd to even type it let alone try to envisage it. And before you use the C-word, remind yourself of how they had to defend and ask yourself if you can see our lot doing the same? We’ll find out soon enough I guess. After today, maybe stick a couple of quid on us winning the first leg – https://sports.bwin.com/en/sports/4/betting/football – the odds ought to be decent now.

Finally, a big thanks to Tim Dodge for ferrying me to the game today. This is being written in the back of his car, and I just said to him: “I’ve read the post back and it basically amounts to me whining like a baby, but there weren’t any positives were there?”

His reply: “No.”

– TDC

Sunderland 0-1 Arsenal: True Grit

Sat, 09 Feb 2013 23:29:00 +0000

At halftime I felt like a script was about to be written which I had no desire to see played out. Essentially, it would be a variation on the same narrative that had been performed by previous Arsenal teams of several seasons past. The story would be similar to the one of Kevin Phillips’ 92nd minute equaliser away at Birmingham in 2010, and the eight goal calamity of St James Park in 2011. You can probably add a few of your own.

I turned to to Scottish Dave, who co-presents our podcast, and said: “You know how this plays out, right?”

“Shut up ye fanny. Get yer heid oot ae the doom trough,” he replied, not unreasonably, while sipping the tea which I’d generously made him because I may be a depressive but I’m also a magnanimous host.

“Either one of our lot gets injured, probably one of the better players, or we get someone daftly sent off. It’s always like that when we dominate but don’t score enough away from home.”

“SHUT UP BAWBAG!”

I did as commanded, without adding that the equaliser would undoubtedly be scored by a lumpy sort of player with his own story to spin. I already had one eye on Danny Graham, lurking unloved on the bench. What was going to make this inevitability particularly painful was that Arsenal really had been brilliant in the first half, with Cazorla applying the finish to a particularly Arsenalish team goal. It had been a world apart from the slow starts that had come to characterise January, and but for some profligate finishing and another goalkeeping masterclass by Mignolet, we ought to have been well out of sight.

In the end, both verbalised misfortunes came to pass. First Wilshere was fouled out of the game, the inevitable victim of a Sunderland team which had been comprehensively outplayed and so was sent out after the break to leave their feet in, and, if we’re being honest, our own manager’s refusal to rest a player who it’s easy to forget is still on the comeback from a long layoff.

Next it was Jenkinson’s turn, here cast in the role of naive departee who’s done something absurdly daft, which you may remember being played by messrs Koscielny, Gervinho and Diaby in previous cock ups. But then something strange happened. Although Arsenal undoubtedly went into their shells after losing Jack, much as they have in the past when Cesc has limped from the field, the team did not wilt entirely.

Sagna, redeployed at centre back alongside the relatively calming presence of Big Per, led a rearguard action that also saw Ramsey filling in at right back. Loins were girded. Backs were placed against walls. Balls were headed the fuck out. Not that it helped the lake of acid pooling in my stomach. There can be few more stressful sights in sport than watching your undermanned team try to see out a one-nil win. It’s the hope etc.

Plus, there’s something especially painful about watching post-Highbury Arsenal teams try to defend a narrow lead. But in the end the deathblow was never applied. Indeed we might have scored again, but for some ludicrous finishing by Giroud, who opted to shoot from outside the box despite being in a 3-on-2 overload, and then Santi, who was probably right to shoot, if not for the fact the shot was off target like an ICBM built in a garage by a particularly unscientifically-minded child.

With a couple of minutes to go until the end of normal time, and pressure mounting to Fukushima levels, Dave and I decided to do something we never normally do. (No, not that.) We decided to take the dog outside for a piss, rather than watch the last agonal moments play out, reasoning that if Sunderland were to score, as the string of corners suggested they were likely to, it’d be better not to see it, hear their fans, or watch the exact moment Arsene’s face changed from grumpy to distraught.

Oddly, the dog was unusually efficient, and we were back in front of the computer before the clock had hit 90 minutes. Nonetheless, despite a couple of scares, the team held out and it was easy to see from the reaction of Sagna and Szczęsny (who had also been excellent) just what gutting out a result like this meant to the team.

Thankfully, they’ll now have a full week to recover before facing Blackburn in the FA Cup. Even if Vermaelen, Wilshere and Koscielny return from injury in that time, I’d expect a few changes with the first leg against Bayern looming.

They’ve come at cost, but six points taken against the shitkickers of Stoke and Sunderland is worth celebrating. I also think it’d be overstating it to say that because we held on today, this team is somehow built of sterner stuff than previous sides who’ve capitulated. For starters the sample size – one game – is clearly too small, and moreover games like these swing on such tiny moments that you’d be unwise to read too much into the final result. Certainly we rode our luck at times. Nonetheless, given the league situation and Spurs form, it’s an absolutely vital win that the players can feel rightly proud of.

Jenkinson has hopefully also learned a valuable lesson about how to play once you’re on a yellow, and without having seen his team punished in the process. Not that we can have any complaint about the sending off, other than the fact the referee, having rightly booked Catermole early, then seemed content to let them get on with rotational fouling and cynical tugs.

Though I generally don’t like to complain about refs, it’s perhaps more convincing to do so after a win. Wenger is spot on when he says:

“The referee let two or three things go that I thought were fouls on Jack. I want just the referee to give a foul when it’s a foul. I don’t want any special protection. The referee is not a bodyguard, he is just a referee and you want him just to give a foul when it’s a foul.”

Note: not asking for Wilshere to be treated differently, just for fouls that are fouls to be called. I read a great piece last week on 7amkickoff that touched on how largely useless the advantage rule is. Over the course of the season I’d be staggered if advantages actually transpired into advantageous situations (by which I mean a goal-threatening position) any more than about 1% of the time. I’d almost always rather have a free kick and the fouler spoken to or booked.

No doubt that’s just me being an effete Arsenal fan, and in a few years time pundits and England fans will talk about how it’s a shame Wilshere is a bit injury prone, rather than note that he’s been kicked, cynically, on a constant basis by opponents with little protection because of some doublethink like “well, his movement is too good, so he ends up getting hit all the time”. For now, though, this Arsenal team changed the script, and that’s good enough for me.

– TDC

Follow @arse2mouse

Arsenal 1-0 Stoke: Sauron Defeated By Deflected Free Kick

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 08:20:00 +0000

After the phoney war of the transfer window, here was a real battle. Pulis’s army of slavering half-men arrived at the Emirates hoping to prey on Arsenal’s absurd Maginot Line of a defence. However, rather than the skittish Guunners of recent matches, they found a team that looked something like the better balanced unit of earlier in the season.

With debutant Nacho Monreal slotted in at left back, the team controlled the ball without too many frights, and carved out a reasonable selection of chances in the first 45. However, though we started the game better than the somnolent effort of recent matches, we also didn’t get the second half goal blitzkrieg either. Clearly there’s a balancing act going on between defensive solidity and freeform attacking. As the clock ticked on, it always felt like a game likely to be settled by the odd goal.

On came Cazorla and Podolski for Diaby (who’d offered too many reminders of how he likes to sloooooow play down and have a little look around) and Chamberlain (who’d been ineffective but for one well-saved shot). We immediately looked more dangerous, with Podolski in particular putting threatening crosses in from the left. In the end it was a heavily deflected free kick which snaffled the points, despite the best efforts of the linesman – who’d also glossed over an eye-gouge to Walcott which, regardless of intention, ought to have seen the game stopped – to rule to the goal out.

Fortunately, after an agonising wait, Foy-not-Hot correctly allowed the goal to stand. He’s one of officialdom’s perennial bottlers, so perhaps opted for the populist decision – but thankfully it was also the right one. After that matters got a little bit more heated, and I have to say I’ve no problem with the players sticking up for each other. Obviously that doesn’t mean swinging fists and getting yourself sent off, but too often we’ve been a side willing to stare at its shoes and feel sorry for itself.

On that note, it may not have come across on the TV pictures, but there were a couple of occasions when Per properly tore a strip off a teammate for being out of position or not closing quickly enough. I’ve never seen him so animated or vocal before, so would like to think that in the absence of Vermaelen he was sent out today with specific instructions to organise those defending around him, and not necessarily politely. More of the same, bitte.

Other nods go to Walcott, for again looking hugely threatening and not allowing himself to be roughhoused out of the game, Nacho for keeping it simple and earning a clean sheet on a tough debut (though tougher for Jonathon Walters), and Arteta for reminding everyone exactly why we’re a much more robust team with him in it.

My concern is that Giroud looks like he’s carrying a couple of niggles. Watch him off the ball and he winces and holds different leg muscles. No real surprise given his style of play and the number of minutes he’s getting through. I suspect the question of who deputises for him in the middle will come up again fairly soon.

Some Stoke observations: Crouch was able to win headers for fun, but not do much with them. Wilkinson is a snide prick. Begovic is a tremendous keeper – no wonder they signed Butland, as they’re certainly going to lose the big Bosnian in the summer. They don’t seem quite as relentlesly hoofy as before. I think on one occasion they even rolled the ball out from the back. What next: discovering fire? Worrying. The way we restricted the ball from them is an object lesson in how we can defend better as a collective.

A couple of other points of order. The home crowd takes stick for being too quick to get on the team’s back. Today I thought we were vocal and positive from the get go, and even more so when Arsenal began really pressing and fighting to win 50/50 balls in the second half. The relationship between any sporting crowd and the players is reciprocal. Effort from either side is likely to be rewarded.

Finally, it was lovely to meet up with a few fans who I’ve been talking to online, in a couple of case for years, in the pub before and after the game. It’s nice to remember that for all the nonsense, the Internet can be pretty brilliant at bringing people with shared passions together. Even if my main passion is ‘being a bit of a moany twat’. Restraining orders emailed to the usual address, please.

– TDC

Follow @arse2mouse